The first time I met Jimmy I knew he was something special and something different. Even though at the time I was dating somebody else, getting to know Jimmy made me realize the one I was with wasn't the right guy. I didn't ever think I would date Jimmy, but I knew I wanted to find a guy just like him.
A month before we met, my dad died suddenly from a heart attack and I was going through the awful bit and pieces of his life which was more of a mess than I knew. Not only was I dealing with the trauma of losing my dad, but I had to go through the emotional baggage of my dad's life. It was a load of crap, and I felt so overwhelmed. While my family had each other up in my home state, I was down here thousands of miles away to deal and heal without the shelter of my sisters.
I had a ton of friends that did their best to be there for me, and I am ever so thankful I had them during that time. But, what really stands out to me, is the love and support of Jimmy. He was exactly what I needed during that time. He allowed me to be me. He let me cry when I felt like crying, he let me laugh when I needed to laugh, and he let me be quiet when I needed to be quiet. He never burdened me with questions or advice, he was just there.
We were just friends, and at that point I had never considered dating him. He was "off limits" so I only saw him as this amazing guy who would only ever be my friend. This was good though, because I felt comfortable. I didn't need to impress him. I could burp, put my gum under the table, cry, or pick my nose...stuff I'm sure he just loved about me now that we look back. ;-)
Anyway, one night I had enough. There were more devastating details coming out about people my dad had known, and I felt like I was going to crack. I took off and found this spot on the beach, along the cliffs, and sat there for hours crying. I was totally alone and I was just letting the tears and sobs go. After awhile though I noticed someone was there with me. I turned and saw Jimmy walking towards me. He had called my roommate and asked where I was, and then set out to find me.
I looked awful. I had puffy eyes, mascara down my face, and I had no voice...no words, no smile, no laughter. I had nothing to give him. So I just turned away. He quietly sat down next to me and took off his sweatshirt and helped me put it on. Then he sat there with one arm around me, and said nothing. We spent another hour there while I continued to sob away, and not one word was shared. But his support, his presence, his patience and understanding....it was just what I needed to start to heal.
And it was that night, that moment that I knew. Without ever having dated, kissed or held hands, I knew. It was the first time I knew HE was the guy I was going to marry.
It is now six years and two kids later, and I am still so thankful for him. In fact, I am more in love with him now than the day we got married. And every year it continues to grow. Through all the ups and downs, my love grows.
All those ex's of the past were worth every heartache and pain because it led me to him. I would never have been able to appreciate the guy that he is, had I not kissed a few "toads" along the way.
Now, it's been a rough four weeks with the adjustment of the baby in the house, and I can't say either one of us has been the most fun to be around. (well, especially him. I'm a saint, don't ya know?) But, going back to the beginning, of what brought us together is always a great memory and reminder. He is still that guy, he still has that heart, and he loves me so much better than I deserve.
So, all that to say, I forgive the grumpy man who hasn't been much fun to be around when he doesn't get his full 8 hours of sleep. And I love you more than I can ever explain.
© 2008 "Le Musings of Moi"