incomplete void

A void beckoned within.

A soul mate. A love. A piece of my puzzle missing, and so the search began.

What I never expected or deserved was handed from above. Contentment. Love. 

And yet, I remained incomplete.

Years later, the tears would fall. A longing. A familiar void. 

Incomplete?

Babies. The answer would be babies.

With watered eyes, I shared such revelations with Jimmy. Together we held hands and took in the moment. The moment of finding completion. My tears of sadness turned to tears of hope.

A month went by and I became pregnant. 9 long months later, my beautiful son was born. I felt amazing. I had purpose. My baby.

Time continued to pass as the seasons changed, and yet I remained the same. Purposeless. Filled with a void. A longing.

Incomplete.

I had my soul mate. I had my baby. What could be missing?

And so I searched and searched. I cried and cried. Then I waited and waited.

Still nothing, and the void became all encompassing.

My self, my soul, my smile and heart....were lost to the search. The quest. The hopelessness.

A bigger house, a higher raise, a nicer car....another baby.

And still. I remained. Unfulfilled.

As a secret is whispered softly from ones lips to anothers ears, the truth recently became mine. My eyelids heavily came to a close. A breath escaped from my soul.

It was not outside of me. It was not even within my physical or emotional grasp.

Yet I felt it, I heard it. Beyond and inside. All encompassing. Lifting me up, beckoning me on. Right there, right here.

Standing still. I knew.

The void still existing...yet subsiding one breath at a time.

Nothing physical could make it dissipate.

So I give my heart, my soul, my life...all that is within and all that is external...and the moment I do,

His breath replaces mine.

Not lost, not without hope, not without purpose. Not unfulfilled. Created for a purpose.

One breath at a time, I draw nearer toward becoming perfectly complete.

© 2009 "Le Musings of Moi"