Wanted: A believable christian. Humble, sweet, forgiving, fun, normal, normal, normal.
There have been so many times in my life that I have really been bothered by Christians. And this is a bit of a problem, you know, considering I am one.
I grew up in a christian home and went to church every week. But, as I grew up, I had my heart broken time and time again. And when hurt comes from a Christian, for some reason, it just stings that much more. I'm not exactly sure why. I mean, we are just as capable of messing up as the next person....
I could even say, to be honest, that there are many times even I am not the best example of what a Christian should be. (Shocker for most of you, I know.) Many days, many many moments a day, I do not represent what my beliefs are really all about.
And in those many moments I've wanted to scream....don't look at me! Don't watch me!
At one point, after seeing some stuff go on that really just didn't seem christian-ish, I found myself wondering....Do I even want anything to do with this religion, in which was proving to be full of hypocrites?
So, I took some time away from church. From the bible. From hanging out with other believers.
But after a considerable amount of time, I was still experiencing heartbreak. I was still seeing hypocrisy. I still didn't love what I was a part of. I realized it didn't matter who people were, where they came from, or what they believed or stood for...they were all human. They were all capable of messing up just as much as the next person. (I'm a smart cookie, I catch on quick.)
I missed my God. I missed the hope and grace and mercy he brought into my life. I missed the freedom I experienced in Him. I missed what had always been a part of me. And I came back. With a different attitude. A different outlook. With a different understanding of who He was.
I was able to do this, because I realized that I couldn't keep looking to other people. As much as we are called to be the best we can be....I can't deny the fact that we are imperfect. So instead I studied the bible. I took time and did my research to really see if it was really true. I prayed, and meditated, and spent time getting to know Him on a personal intimate level.
Understanding christianity became less about other people, and more about God.
I have to continually keep my eyes on Him. On His example, and then do my absolute best to imitate that. And when I can't, when I just simply don't feel like it, when it's on purpose or on accident, I will be the first to admit my defeat. I will learn a lesson. I will find humility in it's truest form.
This has all been on my mind lately, what with the media focusing on Spencer & Heidi, the Christian moms who outright lied about losing a baby on their well known blogs, Jon & Kate...and so on.
I found myself getting so fired up thinking this is where so many people are getting their ideas of Christianity from! This is what people think it's all about! This is what turned me, an already established believer, off from my own beliefs!
Once again, I have to remember....
I am no better. I too make mistakes. I too am not always the best example. The only difference is, I don't have a camera on me at all times.
If I could say anything to anybody out there, if I could teach my own kids something from all of this, or if I could simply just remind myself...
It's not about them. It's only about Him.
The only requirement of this job? (Other than...please please don't go on a reality tv show, unless you can actually put us in a good light. Hence, the wanted ad at the top.)
Find Him, know Him, and then decide for yourself.
If you can handle all that....you're hired.
© 2009 "Le Musings of Moi"