a permanent reminder (a.k.a. a new tattoo)

It's crazy how things come along in your life at just the right time.  In the midst of hard times, you learn a lesson and it's one you KNOW you needed to hear....read....notice....
However it comes to you, you just KNOW the timing is most definitely a God thing.

My 30's so far have kinda been like that.  Lots of lessons and lots and lots of testing of those lessons.

If you read this post, then you know my biggest struggle of all these days is learning to remove my plans, thoughts, and selfish feelings....and allow God's to come through instead.

Not only has it shown up in the foster sitch, but in personal friendships and relationships as well.
I have all these "justified" feelings...
so I constantly gotta check myself,
before I wreck myself.
{pretty sure they got that from Jesus.}

Sometimes I think people spend too much time battling the lines of christianity.  

Styles of worship, pre or post tribulation, casual or dressy Sundays, big stuff, small stuff....
it all fuels the debate. 

My opinion?

If they believe Jesus is the Son of God, and have asked Him into their lives,
and they spend their life:

1) Loving God.

and...

2) Loving others....with God's perfect Love....

then you're a'gonna see 'em all in Heaven.

Tangent?

Eh, kinda.

That all said, it's my lesson, it's my struggle, and it's my life's purpose to make each day a day filled with setting aside me.

Hence, my permanent reminder:

{Agape in Greek}

{Agape = God's Love....on my left arm, along the "love vein," in line with my wedding finger, proving my commitment.  As though a PERMANENT tattoo isn't commitment enough!}

One of my best friends has been on a similar path, and so we joined forces...
and because our lives and paths are different,
so are the tattoos.

{right wrist}

I love it.  It's meaning is priceless...
Actually what's even more priceless is the legacy it leaves behind.
 Taylor now has what it means memorized, and sometimes out of the blue he'll just remind me: 

"Mom, it's just about Agape.  We just have to keep loving others with God's Love, even when we don't feel like it."

Amen, Taylor, Amen.

© 2010 "Le Musings of Moi"

delicious salmon recipes {even if you hate it!}

I'm on Day 3 of Tracy Anderson's 30 Day Method, and I have been trying and mostly loving all the recipes so far!  

This is kind of a big deal for me, because I do not have an adventurous palette.  

I like plain, plain, and more plain mixed with anything that's on a kid's menu. 

yum yum! 

So, you can only imagine my surprise when todays menu included a TON of salmon, and woah,
stop {hold?} the presses...

I freaking loved it.

Okay, so maybe not loved, but I LIKED an awful lot.  

Still, if I was presented with that or a plain cheeseburger, I may still choose what's near and dear.  

But, like my sister said, it's all about the baby steps.

Anyway, because I adored these recipes so much, I decided I would be a dear and share them with the world.  

You can thank me in cash.  

Or jewelry.  

Or, even, cute clothes.  

In other words, your welcome.

~~~~~~~

Grilled Salmon with Endive and Red Onion 

{recipe is 1 serving}

Salad:

4 ounces boneless salmon filet

1/2 endive, shredded

2 tablespoons finely diced Bermuda red onion

1/2 plum tomato, chopped

Dressing:

2 tablespoons raspberry vinegar

1/2 small cucumber, pureed

1 teaspoon chopped cilantro

1 tablespoon Dijon mustard

Grill the salmon for approx. 3 minutes on each side and cool.  Flake 4 oz. into small pieces.  Toss with the rest of the salad ingredients in a mixing bowl and set aside.

Blend all the dressing ingredients in a blender until smooth.

Plate the salad, drizzle with dressing, and serve cold.

~~~~~~~

Orange Glazed Salmon 

{makes 1 serving}:

1 6 oz. salmon filet, skin removed

Juice of 2 oranges

2 tablespoons yacon syrup (or honey)

Olive oil spray

2 sprigs thyme, chopped

1/2 cup vegetable stock

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.  Marinate the salmon the in the orange juice and syrup for 15 minutes.  Warm an ovenproof saute pan and coat it with olive oil spray.  Sear the salmon and cook it over medium heat for 2 minutes.  Add the thyme, place the pan in the oven, and roast for an additional 4 minutes.  (Do not turn the salmon over.)

Plate the cooked salmon.  Move the pan to the stove over low hear.  Carefully and slowly, add the vegetable stock to the pan, reduce the liquid to a syrupy consistency, and drizzle over the salmon.

~~~~~~~

I can't believe, for one: I just posted recipes on my blog, and for two: it included salmon.

I'm kind of a big girl now.

© 2010 "Le Musings of Moi"

30 day method, week 2 grocery list

Okay, all you 30 Day Method'ers...

Here is the next ten days grocery list, via my sweet Em Em.  

And remember, it's a lot of repeats, so check whatcha got first!

{for the first ten days list, click here!}

tomato 2.5c

quinoa 2 T

coconut water

choco chips 1/2c

dried cranberries 1/4c

Chicken stock 2c

veg stock 10c = 80 oz

oo spray

Ground chili powder

cayenne

pepper

unsweet cocoa powder

honey

Dijon

Red wine vinegar

sherry vinegar

balsamic vinegar

bay leaves 2

roasted peppers 1/4c

horseradish

flank steak 4oz = .25 lb

ground turkey 4oz = .25 lb

eggs 5

salmon 3oz = .1875

Tilapia 4-6 oz = .25-.375 lbs

cod/halibut 18 oz (3 6oz) = 1.125 lbs

red snapper 6 oz = .375 lbs

turkey/chicken 20 oz = 1.25 lbs

green olives 1/4 c

ginger

garlic

shallots 8

mint

parsley

cilantro

chives

basil

yellow wax beans 1/2c 

green string beans 1/2c

mushrooms 4

green onion 1

zucchini 1/4

Edamame 1/2c

English cuc

fennel 1/4c

leek 1/2

beets 1c

broccoli 2.5c

grapefruit 4

orange 9.5

lemon 8.5

baby string beans 2 oz

asparagus .5 lb

pomegranate

kiwi 4

raspberries .5c

blackberries 1.5c

blueberries 2.5c 

watermelon 1/2c

casaba melon 1/2c

honeydew 1/2 c

spinach 7c

avocado 1/8

red lettuce 2 leaves

apple 2

bell pepper 1 red, 1 any

sweet potato 3/4c

jicama 1/4c

parsnip 1/2c

turnip 1/2c

Spanish onion 1/4 c

cipollini or baby pearl onion 1/2c

onion 1 c

carrots 3c

celery 2c

cherry tom 1/8c

© 2010 "Le Musings of Moi"

tracy anderson's 30 day method grocery list: week 1

I'm a big fan of Tracy Anderson, as most of you know, and I just finished reading her book: Tracy Anderson's 30-Day Method: The Weight-Loss Kick-Start that Makes Perfection Possible.  

I was super excited to read the facts behind the method, as she definitely does things in a non conventional way.  

It was way interesting, and whether you believe it or not, let me just say it's the only kind of workout that has kept my attention and made working out fun.  

And that's kind of what's important, no?

Anyway, the book is awesome as it lays out a 30 day plan to getting lean and toned, and most importantly, healthy.  

{and it comes with a DVD!}

Here's a little description from my credit card's BFF, Amazon.com:

Did you know muscles get bored, just like people do? And did you also know that there's a 9 out of 10 chance that you're working the wrong muscles when you exercise? With TRACY ANDERSON'S 30-DAY METHOD you don't have to worry--her unique workout will help you drop the weight and shrink your body in just 30 days.

Based on ten years of scientific research and experience getting not just herself, but A-list stars and everyday people, red carpet ready, Anderson has developed a unique 30-day diet and workout routine that reshapes the body and defies genetics to tone the muscles and drop the pounds. While most people incorrectly target their major muscle groups, like the bicep or hamstring, the focus should be on the smaller accessory muscles that can create a long, lean, balanced look--instead of bulked up look. Anderson's program is composed of a groundbreaking three-tiered approach, including a mat workout and cardio routine targeting the all-important accessory muscles, and an exclusive 30-day meal plan, complete with dozens of delicious recipes.

This comprehensive kick-start program is unlike any other workout on the market and it leaves no chance for anything but terrific, fast results!

~~~~~~

{One quick side note....if you want long and lean, this is absolutely the work out for you.  If you want massive muscle definition and a six pack....Jillian Michaels may be more your girl.  We all have different goals, none better than another.}

Okay, so now that you have all that info, here's the point of this post.  If you have the book, and you're getting ready to start the first week of the menu, then this post is for you!  

Emily, my amazing co-Tracy addict, has come up with a complete grocery list {for the non-vegetarian menu} for the first week to make shopping and getting started that much easier.

Be warned.  

It's extensive and it may be a bit more expensive than your usual...

but it's only for a month, and the results are SO worth it.  

We can do anything for 30 days, right???

{my goal is to start Sunday/Monday}

Here's your list:

Days 1 - 7 Shopping List

Mint
Basil
Parsley
Cilantro
Thyme
Chives
Asparagus
White asparagus
Vidalia onion
Red onion
Sweet potatoes (2
Red or golden beets (1c)
Avocado
Garlic
Shallots
English cuc (3)
Cuc (1)
Celery
Carrots (1.5c)
- white carrots, red carrots, purple carrots -- 1/2c each
Plum tomatoes (2)
Tomato (1.5c)
Spinach (10c)
Kale (1c, 2 bunchs)
Baby arugula greens (2c)
Red lettuce
Green onions
Edamame
Zucchini
Broccoli (3c)
Sugar snap peas (1/4c)
Bell pepper
Mushrooms (4 + 4oz + 1c)
Endive (1)
Lemon (6)
Apple (2)
Strawberries
Blueberries (1c)
Mixed berries (1c
Pomegranate seeds (1T
Oranges (5)
Kiwi (4)
Mango (1/2)
Grapefruit (1)
Honeydew (1)
Red seedless grapes (1/2c)
Olive oil spray
Balsamic vin
Sherry wine vin
Raspberry vinegar
Low sodium soy sauce
Rice vinegar
Dijon
Hearts of palm
Coconut water
Chestnuts
Cocoa powder
Unsweet coconut flakes
Agave
Yacon syrup
Maple syrup
Honey
Semisweet choco chips
Golden raisins (1/2c)
pitted dates (4)
Quinoa
Pepper/peppercorns
Bay leaf
Cayenne
Veg broth (10c = 80oz)
Cod or halibut (6oz = .375 lbs)
Salmon (14 oz = .875 lbs)
Turkey (3oz = .2 lbs)
Eggs
Chicken or turkey breast (22 oz 1.375 lbs)
Shrimp (4oz--21-25)
Tuna steak (4oz = .25lb)

So, have fun shopping.

Have fun working out, eating, and changing your way of thinking about fitness.

And then have a blast in your hot new bod.

And should you need lotsa support through it all, the Tracy facebook page will save your life.

Plus, you know, you always have me.  

Mwa.

{for more tracy anderson help, advice and links go here}

© 2010 "Le Musings of Moi"

~~~~~~

do you remember the time.....

I've been blogging a long time...and since I can't expect you all to start at the beginning and catch up, I'll be a real gem and post some oldies and goodies from time to time.

No need to send gifts to thank me, your reading it is enough.

{although, you know, I won't stop you from sending money...}  =)

Today's blast from the past is all about my boo:

My friends were right. I couldn't pass up a chance to write about the following experience. It's real life yo. It's relatable. So listen up.

I had quite the traumatic day yesterday. It was heartbreaking, tormenting, and downright brutal.

I had to say goodbye to my boo.

See that band-aid I'm sporting on my neck?
That's my boo boo.
Because I lost my boo.
My beauty mark that has always been there.
I often likened it to Cindy Crawfords mole. You know, I felt a kinship with her because of it.

But now I am more in the camp of Sarah Jessica Parker.
Because it's gone. Gone, gone, gone.
And I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye.

So, I went into the Derm's office with Chloe so that they could check out some freckles on the two of us.  I should have known by the cotton mouth and shakes I got in the waiting room that nothing good was to come of this visit.

While I was sitting on the exam table, I mentioned that oh maybe one day in the far far future we could possibly maybe talk about having my boo removed.
You know, since Chloe seems to think it's her own personal play toy these days.

And then before I could say 'I hate needles," she whips one out and gives me a shot and suddenly the blood that belonged in my brain went to my toes, and I saw my life flash in front of my eyes.
The life I had with my mole. My sweet sweet trademark mole.
And while it didn't hurt, and I didn't see the needle, what happened next may have you to believe otherwise.

I almost passed out.

And they had to take my crying baby (who by the way, was crying because we are one like that. She was in tune with my loss you see.) away from me and then instantly put back my head and raised up my legs.

There I was with my paper shirt (opened in the back) and my paper skirt tucked into my grannies, lying back trying to magically change my skin coloring back from green to California tan.

It was all such a blur. And honestly, I had no time to think. No time to ponder the loss I was about to experience.
But, my body knew. Oh yes, my body knew.
It knew it was about to lose a valuable member and it was not letting go without a fight.
As I laid there, I realized that this was symbolic.
I had this epiphany on my weekend getaway.
I am making some changes in my life.
And a moleless neck was a symbol of starting over.
I was a new woman.

A new woman who still felt like she was going to pass out.

But, being the amazing actress that I am, I decided to (wo)man up.
So I got myself together, took my baby back in my arms and asked what was next.
Momma all better.

Only next it was Chloe's turn. It was time to lay her naked baby body on the table and hold her arms while these beasts dug into her stomach to biopsy a freckle and then of all the nerve, STITCH IT BACK UP!
For the love of God.
My poor sweet innocent baby.

And while I stood for a minute, I remembered that the two of us were one and that as she had cried for me, this time I also was feeling her pain.
I quickly realized that my acting abilities couldn't compete with the lack of blood in my brain, and I noticed my toes were feeling unusually warm again.
So, slyly I rolled over the doctors stool and sat my paper covered bootie down and laid my bloodless head next to Chloe's screaming red head.

Oh the SCREAMING!
Not the "I'm in pain" screaming, but the "I'M SO SCARED AND I'M AFRAID FOR MY LIFE, MY GOD MOM, WHY ARE YOU ALLOWING THEM TO DO THIS TO ME" kind of screaming.
And then I got hot all over, and I couldn't shed the paper shirt fast enough, and the green once again replaced my tan, and I began to slump.

Once again, they took my baby and I was once again placed on the table with my feet in the air and my head tilted back and this time, I even got a Capri Sun fed to me by straw.

I'm telling you. Two moles removed was complete drama.
DRAMA.

So, as you can see I lived to tell. But, barely.
Just. Barely.

And now I'm boo-less.
In it's place is a boo boo.
And Chloe has one too.
But we're strong.
We'll pull through.

Until two weeks from now when we have to go back and have her stitches removed.
I think I'll prep my xanax for that one.

Oh my word, can you say scaredy cat?

© 2010 "Le Musings of Moi"

just fashion, people, just fashion

{with the man behind the lens}

What I'm wearing:

dress ~ twelve by twelve, f21

tank ~ my fave thing ever from target

tights ~ target

patent mary janes ~ paolo

bangles ~ f21& walmart

ring ~ f21

watch ~ brass plum, nordstrom

necklace ~ have had forever!

bag ~ kinda like the marc jacobs, only not

sunnies ~ f21

~~~~~~~

We went to the most beautiful wedding last night, and I couldn't wait to take advantage of the scenery for some fashion pics.  Only, being all embarrassed about taking them, I made Jimmy sneak out during dinner to snap a few shots...

So ya, that's about it today.

Thought I'd keep it simple, and make it just fashion.

Nothing deep. 

Nothing to make you think.

Just fashion, people, just fashion.

ahhhhh....feels kinda nice, right?

© 2010 "Le Musings of Moi"

what is true, what is true, what is true

I've been a victim to my own lies for a lifetime.

I've lived in a prison of torture that was self inflicted.

I didn't know there was another way.

I didn't know it could be different.

I was vulnerable to outside influences.  

I believed their words, their ideas, their opinions...

about me.

Anothers truth was just that, the truth, completely and absolutely.

Basically, if it was said...
if it was thought...
it was TRUTH.

I had carried a lifetime of lies, 

and that heavy heavy burden was crushing me:

Heart, soul, spirit, and body.

But God knew it had gone on long enough.

I could no longer be a christian set free and continue to live in a world of lies.

He was within me, I had His truth deep inside...

I just needed to be aware and see and use it. 

But to USE it, I had to KNOW it, 

and after a lifetime, 

I didn't know the difference between what was the truth and what was a lie when it came to myself.

So I took the time to learn, to search, and to believe...

so that when the lies would come up, 

as they always do, 

I would be able to stop and immediately replace them with Gods truth.

I know that I have a good heart.

I know that though I have my failures and moments not to be proud of,
that those moments DO NOT define me.

And no matter what, I am still a child of God, 

and I am worthy...

...worthy of unconditional love,

acceptance, 

and respect.

Both from myself, 

and from others.

God's truth has been hidden in my heart, 

but hidden it is no longer.

I have allowed God to connect my heart to my mind, 

and the freedom I feel...

the comfort I feel...
There are NO WORDS.

And oh how it makes me appreciate the journey I went through to get here.

© 2010 "Le Musings of Moi"

and she comes crawling back

You know how they say if you love something, set it free, and if it comes back, it was meant to be?

So, guess who came 'a knockin on my door last week, with a sheepish "I made a mistake" look in her eyes?

Oh yes, my house, that's who.

Being a scorned lover, yet one who is still madly deeply in love, I took her back.

But only on a conditional basis.

Intensive therapy.  

{aka:  inspections}

So in the next few weeks, if she can ultimately prove herself, that she can be faithful for the next lifetime (or at least 10 years) of mine, I will sign the marriage papers. 

Then we will run off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

P.S. The beginning's of Shop My Closet/Library is up, more to come tomorrow.
{it's up there, under the header}

© 2010 "Le Musings of Moi"

shop my closet & library

So, it's about that time again...

I'll be listing another Shop My Closet/Library....probably tomorrow.

{thrift store prices, duh.}

First come, first serve!  

© 2010 "Le Musings of Moi"

oh mah word, what did i do?

I had no idea what I was walking into when God put it on our hearts to become foster parents to the child we have now. 

 I almost think God blinded us temporarily to the truth of what was to come, because I don't know that we would have had the faith or courage to move forward. 

 I am thankful for that though, because as I've always said...

I would rather this be hard for me than for this sweet little child I get to tuck into bed every night.

But, here's where I get honest.

{you knew it was coming, right?}

 My life has been turned upside down, and my eyes have been opened to so many things. 

 My comfortable little world view (or what was left of it) is gone....

as I have had to face a great many difficult truths.

Truth #1:

I always knew there was a Foster System. Foster Families. Foster Kids. 

 But I never gave too much thought as to what was behind it all. 

 I never understood the workings, the ins and outs, the stories and lives and HEARTS of the people involved. 

 But now I see it. 

 And it's not pretty you guys, not even in the slightest way. 

 And what I have seen doesn't even begin to show what else is going on out there.

Truth #2:

It's been a long road because this situation has brought out sides of myself and my family that at times shock me...yes, positively... 

but, sometimes, ummmmm.....not so much. 

 I wonder if we would have ever known what lied dormant within us, had it not been for this experience.  I can now see that God has brought this into our lives for a thousand reasons, and while I can't speak for everyone else involved, I know that for me....

I have been handed a mirror to see what is inside my heart, 

and oh mah word, there is stuff there...

stuff that is just not pretty.

Having to see something so icky within myself is, well, kind of uncomfortable.

And, of course, my first reaction is to pretend it doesn't exist and then run Forrest run!  

Quick! Change the circumstances just so my life can finally go back to normal.  

Only, it won't.  

Ever be normal again.

I will never be able to be that girl I used to be.

And I thank God.  

Liter-ally.

And so, I stand here {humbly, oh so humbly} staring that mirror in the face with boxing gloves on, 

ready to fight this fight.  

Ready to face these truths, and kick their ugly butts, so that I can once again grow and move forward...

....onto His next truth to be shown.

{sigh}

I know God called me to do this,  

to accept this responsibility.  

And while I may not be "feeling" it at all times, I have recently been shown* that it's really not about "feelings" at all.

It's simply about obedience.  

God doesn't call us to feel his decisions, He simply calls us to obey them.  

So.
All we have to do is make that faith choice to obey, and God promises to take care of the rest.

And I thought I was going to be doing a good thing for someone else....

Like, I said, I had no idea what we were walking into.

And yet I'd obey Him again without a moments hesitation.

I'd obey him then,
and I will,

 day by day,

hour by hour,

sometimes even moment by moment...

chose to obey him again and again.

~~~~~~~

What is God asking you to do?

Are you willing to set aside your own "self" and just trust and obey?

*{i just gotta say, the book "the way of agape" has been a huge life changer for me, you seriously gotta read it.}

© 2010 "Le Musings of Moi"