It all began with getting married.
When in fact, I was realizing it was actually only magnifying my issues instead.
My husband and I were in a bible study at the time with other young married couples, and each week I went hoping to find that safe place where I could share my heart of "OH MY WORD, why am I not experiencing newlywed bliss, and why am I feeling like I just can't do this FOREVER?"
Only, I never did.
Because these couples smiled a lot.
And they snuggled their spouses, and they sniffed their children because they thought they smelled delicious (huh?), and they even had clean houses.
They totally had it together.
How could I ruin their happy little worlds with my freaky little thoughts?
But, the more I went, the more depressed I became.
Was I seriously the only one out there struggling?
I don't know what happened, but one night I was simmering and about to boil over.
And when the girls and the guys split up for prayer at the end of the night, I decided to put an end to their smiles.
And suddenly I just busted out a whole can of Truth and Openness and OH YES I DO HAVE SOME ISSUES, LET ME TELL YOU!!!
When all was said and done, I looked up slowly.
And what I saw was a circle of women with tears in their eyes.
I had broken the seal.
For, um, a lack of a better term.
{you know, when you drink to much and then you pee, and then you have to pee all night. kind of the same, but different.}
{you know, when you drink to much and then you pee, and then you have to pee all night. kind of the same, but different.}
From that point on, I realized that we were ALL broken.
We were ALL struggling.
And we sometimes wanted to cry about it.
And sometimes we needed to laugh about it.
Sometimes the only cure possible, was shopping.
We just had NO choice.
{the guys still don't quite get this.}
Sometimes the only cure possible, was shopping.
We just had NO choice.
{the guys still don't quite get this.}
But more than anything, we needed a safe place to share.
To be vulnerable.
To be honest.
To be open.
~~~~~~~
Welcome to Moi.
I don't have it all figured out.
Ask my husband.
{actually don't...because i tell him constantly that I do.}
But really?
Motherhood guilt plagues me.
Motherhood guilt plagues me.
And my kids have tantrums in public.
(mostly in walmart, because we like to keep it classy.)
My son is 6, and I feel like I've been his mom so long he should be graduating from high school any day now.
My daughter is 3 and all she eats is yogurt and fruit leathers all day, and I don't push it because I am afraid she'll end up having food issues like I used to.
{she's our tender hearted feisty one}
My husband is amazing, but he does wish we had more sex.
{your husband is probably nothing like him.}
I still don't understand how you can possibly have sex more than 2-3 times a month.
Who has that kind of time?
I sometimes have anxiety.
Sometimes it's depression.
Sometimes it's nothing, and I'm happily going about my merry little way:
thrift store shopping,
obsessing over a new place to position the couch (there isn't any other way),
trying a thousand mascaras and lip glosses and hair products,
watching any kind of reality tv out there,
deciding on what my next tattoo will be,
or you know, doing all the other usual girlee stuff...
like being dramatic.
obsessing over a new place to position the couch (there isn't any other way),
trying a thousand mascaras and lip glosses and hair products,
watching any kind of reality tv out there,
deciding on what my next tattoo will be,
or you know, doing all the other usual girlee stuff...
like being dramatic.
But through it all, I am leaning into Jesus.
I am trying to trust that God has a plan.
I believe that as flawed as I am, He wanted me this way for some odd reason I have yet to understand.
I believe He does and can and will Bring Beauty from Pain.
So I never give up and I continue to fight.
So I never give up and I continue to fight.
I'm a Christian.
But not a perfect one.
Not even close.
My past is messy, my present is confusing, and my future is filled with possibilities....
Some that excite me, most that scare me.
Some that excite me, most that scare me.
But this here blog?
It's my place to share it all.
And you better believe I will never pretend.
This is our safe place.
For the times you want to cry, I'll cry right along with you.
For the times you want to laugh, I'll laugh so hard you can witness my infamous silent squeak.
{it can be endearing, i swear.}
And for the times you want to happily go about your merry little way, we'll just talk, you know, shop.
And by shop, I mean, shopping.
{retail therapy IS the best kind. Amen?}
Welcome to Le Musings of Moi.
